Transparency

It's been a while since I've blogged. A long while. I took a break from writing entirely for a time and lately have stuck to journalling. It was in my time journalling and reading past journal entries that I stumbled upon an entry that I decided to share. I wrote this on October 28, 2013 in response to a sermon I heard at the Mission Chattanooga. I decided to post it here because the main message changed my life when I first heard it and rereading it today filled my heart with encouragement. I hope that there are others who will find the ideas presented as refreshing as I did. 
Wherever you are in life, whatever you're dealing with, no matter how confused you're feeling... Jesus wants to hear about it. He wants to understand. He welcomes our lack of understanding. Our lack of faith.
That is beautiful. 
Please enjoy this little bit of transparency after silence for so long. And try to ignore the horrible punctuation/grammar. Those things go out the window as soon as I open my journal, and there's nothing I can do about it. (I posted this as closely to the original writing as I could.)
Thank you for reading and please comment. I would love to hear your thoughts.
~Paula

I have been journalling for...I guess close to 11 years. If I remember correctly, I started my Barbie journal in 2001 and it is 2013. So 11 years, give or take some time.

I don't really know why I journal so much. I never really thought of it as anything more than a way to sort out my thoughts. If I don't journal, I end up disoriented and feeling out of control. Its why I hate it when I go long periods of time without writing: I crave the words on paper. I want to know and be known and I think that somehow, just hearing my thoughts are recorded someplace has made me felt better understood. I can't explain it well. I don't fully understand it, this weird journalling phenomena. But I think that I am starting to.

In church yesterday we were talking about a story in Mark. The points that the pastor made were short and simple:

1. Jesus longs to bear our burdens.

2. Jesus wants to hear our stories.

3. Jesus welcomes our imperfect faith.

The second one applies most obviously to my journalling. Let me back up for a second.

I guess what I am realizing is that...well first, Jesus wants to know my stories. He cares about what I am going through and he wants for me to talk those things through with him. He wants to know the good, bad and ugly - every detail. He wants me to bring those things to his feet.

What I'm realizing is that...unknowingly, I have been doing that with my 11 years of journalling. 

I don't know why, but this is a really emotional realization for me. I think that the fact that someone knows what I've been going through, through knowing my journals...it makes me feel so known and understood and loved. The things I have written in my journals are not only mine. My eyes are not the only ones that have read every word scribbled in ink on these pages. I am not alone. 

And also, there is no shame in what I write - no matter how crazy or wrong it is. Jesus cares and...he welcomes my imperfect faith because he makes it perfect. Just to think that all the confused entries have been known by Christ because I wrote them here...it makes me want to cry with the overwhelming sense of joy and peace and love. I feel as if I am experiencing him because he has taken an interest in experiencing me.

These journals are between Jesus and I. They have a purpose, they are me telling my stories to Christ and him perfecting me and bringing me peace. That makes me so excited! 

Jewelry That Changes the World

My dear friends Amanda and Ben are excited to be on the road to adopting a child from Taiwan! I know Amanda from about ten years back when she was a counselor at "Camp Invention." We became friends and I have admired and looked up to her all of these years. I am so thrilled at what God has been doing in her life and even more excited about the prospect of her and her husband's future adoption. 

To help offset the crazy adoption costs, they have partnered with a company called Chloe & Isabel, which allows them to sell jewelry and get the proceeds from the sales. Pretty slick deal. I now have two pairs of earrings from their site and may have my eye on a necklace....(my birthday is in May..hint hint).

My first pair were these fancy dangles. They were a Valentine's day gift from my parents. Aren't they lovely? I love wearing them on nice dinner dates. 

This pair is super hip and casual with just a hint of classy sparkle. Three little rhinestones set in a silver disk. They seem to go really well with my hat. (There's another pic below!)

This jewelry is gorgeous, high quality, unique and does some good for the world. They have a lot of "vintage-y" pieces which are totally in right now, and a lot of super classy pieces which will always be in style. (I could have sworn I've seen the exact same pieces on many Pinterest boards). You pay a bit more in exchange for the quality, style, and karma points. A pretty great trade off in the scheme of things. 

Girlfriends, ask your boyfriends for this stuff. Boyfriends, your girlfriend would love to get something pretty like this from you. Kids, mother's day is coming up. It comes pre-wrapped (see below and note the adorableness) so you don't have to do anything but get online and pick something sparkly out. 

Anyway, at least do me a favor and check out their site. You cold be the one to help an orphan from overseas get an amazing pair of Godly, loving parents, a home, and a cute puppy to boot. It's a win-win all around. 

"As one person, I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person." -Paul Shane Spear


Links to the Facebook page and Online Boutique:

https://www.facebook.com/shoppingwithamanda

https://www.chloeandisabel.com/boutique/amandagreenhoe

Can't help but show off the earrings that go super well with my all-too hipster hat. ;)

Don't wanna take my word for it? Here's what others had to say!

http://shehathdonewhatshecould.blogspot.com/2014/03/you-can-help-make-dream-come-true.html

http://freshmodesty.blogspot.com/2014/02/awk-awe-chloe-isabel.html

The Right to Be Angry

This is going to be a short, middle-of-the-week post. It was just a quick musing that I had and wanted to share.

Recently, people have made me angry. In fact, I spent lunch today ranting to a friend about how angry I was. How sick and tired I was of the things they did (or didn't) do.

It happens to me more often than I would like. In fact, I rarely think anything of it anymore. It's just something that I feel, something that causes me to glare and give the cold shoulder until it blows over and everything is back to normal. I justify this attitude. "So-and-so" won't do this, so I have the right to be angry.

What I often fail to remember is this: I may have the right to be angry, but I also have the calling to be compassionate. To choose understanding. To be loving even if that means sacrifice. In this case, the joyful sacrifice of my "right to be angry."

And "joy" is my word for the year. Discover what it means. Take it on, ingest it, let it become a part of me. I have no idea where it will lead but today was my first lesson in joyful sacrifice. It felt really amazing.

Besides, in reality, I don't mind doing the dishes. It allows time for my freshly made tea to cool, and if it means that someone feels a little bit of love, or the compassion I wish I more easily felt, then I'll do the dishes without complaint for the whole semester. It's so little a price to pay.

A Letter to Those Who Ask, "Are you sure...?"

I get a few different reactions when I tell people what my major is and what I want to do with it. The first is something along the lines of: "Wow! so you must be a genius or something, right?" To which I usually sarcastically remark, "Yeah, I wish." Internally thinking that if they could see my Calc 2 grades they might not think so highly of me. But I digress.

Another reaction I get usually goes like this:

"What do you want to do with your biochemistry major?" 

"Well, the plan is to do research and teach. We'll see."

"Oh wow, are you sure you want to teach?!" 

....

How to respond to this. To their incredulous face and condescending voice.

The first time, I was shocked and ignored it. The second, I simply stared into their face, said, "Yes," and walked away, fuming but triumphant. The third time, I ignored it again.

This response hurts and angers me, and I find myself stewing about it for weeks, which is unusual for me. I've been thinking about it recently and I want to know why I get so upset about it.
So, to figure myself out, I wrote this letter to those who ask, "Are you sure?!".



Dear [you who asked, "Are you sure you want to teach?!"],

Yes, I am sure.
Let me stop you right here, before you start telling me all the reasons I should rethink this decision. 
I'm not an idiot. I know that teaching is hard. That students can be crazy and their parents crazier. I also realize that it doesn't pay well. That the hours are crazy and sacrifices will have to be made. From this vantage point, the return on investment is close to non-existent. You probably think you're doing me a favor by making sure I am aware of this. Saving me from my own naivety, I suppose. You've hurt my pride, and I may be mad now, but I will be thanking you in the end. 
But I have my reasons for being sure.

First, let me start with a question: Why do you do what you do? 

Because my guess, (correct me if I'm wrong) is that whatever you're doing, you started doing it because of a teacher. 

All of us have had teachers. In their most informal, basic form, they are parents, mentors and friends. Formally, they appear in institutions like schools and the workplace. For good or bad, they are the ones who show us who we want to be when we "grow up". They model the lifestyle, character and personality of those who love science, english, and history, or mechanics, gardening, and computers. And you, the student watches and takes notes. Not just on paper, but also internally. Watching and matching your personality, character and lifestyle with theirs, and depending on if you like what you see, wondering if you could grow up to be like them.

I want to be a teacher who inspires. Who is a model for a lifestyle that is joyful and loving. Who gives chemistry and scientists a good name. Who gives Christians an even better one.

Second, I want to enable dreams. I want to be the teacher who teaches to the best of her ability, so that you can chase your dream, whatever it is. So that you can't say, "Well I didn't get to do [insert dream] because my chemistry teacher was awful."

Third, because the classroom is one of my favorite places to be. Both in front of a group of students, and sitting as a student on the receiving end, I love the classroom. The passion I have for learning and teaching is so strong, it's almost like it was written into my DNA. It's something that turns me on, stimulating both the left and right side of the brain, to be creative and smart. To me, nothing is more rewarding than having the "lightbulbs turn on" in a student's eyes. I don't know if I can describe the feeling of teaching or learning. The best I can do is put it this way: I never feel more in my element than I do when I am teaching. 

I think it would physically hurt me to not be a teacher.

So, here's a quick lesson made just for you, courtesy of a future teacher. If you meet someone who says they want to be a teacher, kindly and genuinely ask, "Why?", instead of "Are you sure?" (tone is key here). If they give good reasons, be thankful there are people in the world who want to be good teachers, so that you don't have to be. If they do have flaws in their reasoning, gently point them out, and go on your merry way. 

But whatever you do, do not disrespect their desire to make a difference. Do not look condescendingly into their face and think, "She has no idea what she is getting into" even if that may be true. I may not entirely know what I am getting into, but I know that not getting into it would be a mistake. I know that the teachers I have had have been some of the biggest influences on who I am today. And I know I want to make a difference the way they have made a difference to me.

Again, yes. I am sure of this decision - above many others, and now I hope you understand why.

~Paula

Biology, There may be hope for us yet.

I know. Two posts in two days. It's a bit much, I agree. But I have a superrr quick story that you probably won't care about, but it was a great moment so bear with me!

Biology and I have had a love/hate relationship for pretty much my whole life. As a little girl, biology was my life (no pun intended), though I didn't really know it. I just knew I loved bugs. And animals. And plants. And tadpoles, baby catfish, baby snapping turtles, frogs and anything else I could capture in a net, put in a jar or pin to a styrofoam board. (yes, I was that girl.)

But then I hit high school and took a biology class expecting to be enthralled. I wasn't. What was a beautiful, fascinating subject suddenly was bogged down in names and only experienced in pictures from a text book. It wasn't the same, and I was disappointed.

College seemed to be going the same way. I took biology last semester and was bored the whole way through. I figured that biology and I were done for. Our relationship was unrepairable and I would just stick to my chemistry, thank you very much.

Naturally, I expected this semester to be more of the same. (I'm sure you see where this is going).
I walked out of the dorm this afternoon and Zoe shouted after me "Have fun at class!" To which I scoffed, "It's biology, I hate biology!" and ventured into the cold.

I walked into the classroom and immediately saw some interesting objects on the table in front of the class. A bag of twigs and leaves. A mysterious box. A stack of newspaper articles. I sat down in a second row seat and looked skeptically at the objects in front of me.

"Lord Jesus. Please let me like biology this semester." A little prayer in my head, a skeptical squint on my face.

Then my teacher walked in. He looked like a biologist! You know how you can just tell that someone is a biologist? Kinda disheveled hair, comfy clothes, some sort of hiking boots, outdoorsy, pinecone smell...You get a picture. This one even had a little wooden necklace with a wood burned Queen Anne's lace flower on it.
I was intrigued. This was the first biology teacher that actually looked like he just come from outside on a bird-watching hike or something.

His lecture was really great. He pulled out each of the twigs and talked about the different trees they came from. He talked about the chestnut trees that all died of a disease. He pulled out rocks with fossils he'd found. He loved it. I loved it.

And that is my story for today. I was humbled. And biology....

There my be hope for us yet.

<3

Happy 2014!

Yikes! It's been months since I've posted, and I'm sure that you have all forgotten about me by now. No matter, its a new year and I may (or may not) be able to recover your attention. If not, then I would be sad to not have your friendship, but attention is not really the goal of this blog.

The goal, as usual, is to document my life's findings. I find that journalling (which is, of a certain form, what I do here) is a sort of therapy to me. It gives me something productive to do with my extra time and tends to refocus my mind and soul. A form of worship that always leaves me peaceful, refreshed and with a clarity of heart that I find hardly anywhere else. It's become an addiction of mine. The new year brings a brand new, blank journal, ready for anything, waiting to be filled. And I am eager to fill it. Slowly, I do, and by the end of the year there are only a few blank pages left and that chapter of my life is closed.

I am thankful to have finally closed my journal from 2013 and to find God's mercies new for 2014. The finality and finished-ness of the past is a hopeful thing to me. Those things that have happened to better my life, I choose to take with me to the future, and the things I regret or am ashamed of, I leave behind because that is what mercy allows me to do. Freedom from the physical, taxing work of carrying those things with me is something only Christ can give and I can only receive and be thankful. Every day, be thankful.

My prayer is that those of my friends and family will find that same freedom in 2014.

As for new years resolutions...I am searching (and waiting) for a word to pursue. Prayer? Thanksgiving? I'll let you know when it becomes clear to me.

In the meantime, classes have started and somewhere in between calculus 2, biology 2, organic chemistry and intro to theater, I hope to be a better blogger for my own sake... how else am I going to stay sane with a class load like that?

Blessings and happy 2014!
Paula

I'd Like to See His Love

To be honest, this week did not contain any major revelations. I guess I have only to be thankful for everything that I have been blessed with. And that is just as good.

For the coming week, I will be praying that I am able to see just how much the Lord loves. A song we sung in church was focused on the love that Christ has for us and I was reminded again of how powerful that is. It is grand, huge and it has no limits. The best part, to me at least, is that he loves even those who don't love him. I think it's easier in general to love people who love you. To love people who are against you is something that is otherworldly. I love that God loves even those who hate him, and I love that the church exists to show his love to it's "not yet" members. We talked about that at church a few weeks ago and it has really stuck with me.

So I'm praying that I learn to see how much Christ loves us. All of us. And I'm hoping to take the numerous opportunities to show some love to those around me who need it.

Peace in Adversity

So last week (since I am already behind) was the week leading up to my fall break. You know how sometimes, when you're in anticipation mode, time seems to slow down? Well that was my life while waiting to go home and be with friends and family for five blissful days. Patience is not always a strong suit of mine. 

While I was making plans to go visit and hang out with a wide variety of people from all ages and walks of life, and also while doing life here in Chattanooga that week, with my roommates and friends getting excited and anxious for the weekend, wrapping up some last minute homework assignments or tests... The theme that kept being hit upon my heart was that peace is hard to come by.

I love that my faith places value in adversity. I think that that aspect of Christianity, especially in comparison to other religions, is an aid in finding true peace. If there is value in hard times, then there must be hope for the future and from that hope springs peace.

My friend gave me these verses in a letter she wrote to me. I find it hard not to be encouraged by these words.

Romans 5:1-5 says:
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

The peace of the Lord be with you this week! 
Love,
Paula

New Blog Goal and Things I'm Learning #1

I think that people see life in a lot of different ways and that shapes how they go about everything they do. Being sort of pre-disposed to be a teacher, life as a learning process really resonates with me and definitely shapes the way I approach every situation. It just so happens that I am at a stage in my life where I am learning a lot. 

And naturally I find the need to blog about it. 

The college part teaches me the things I will need to know to pursue my career goals. Those things have their own challenges, but they tend to be easier to learn.  Do enough calculus problems and you master calculus. Read and study biology or sociology enough and you will master the concepts of biology and sociology. They are easy to assess. You either do well on the tests or you don't. 

Then there's the life part. Life with my roommates. Life with my long distance boyfriend. Life with new friends and acquaintances. Life with my old friends and family. Life on my own. Life with Jesus. 

The lessons college is teaching me are important. Necessary even, to me.

But the life lessons that I am being taught are infinitely more important. I'd go so far to say that they are the most important ones I am learning. And of course, they are the hardest. 

So, I am giving this blog a new goal. If all goes as planned, I will start using this blog to document  what God is teaching me on a week by week basis. Every Sunday night there will be a little blurb about what I'm learning. It has to be at least a paragraph. And it has to be honest. Those are my conditions. 

So for this week, the buzzword is patience. It just seems like every time I turn around, God is saying "be still." As a result I'm learning to rely on God day by day. Each day it's like, "alright God. Here's *insert conflict or issue*. It's yours today, do what you will." And each day I wait. Some days I get nothing and end up frustrated. Other days, I get a glimpse at what I'm waiting for and those days are the best. It's like seeing a little light shine through. In the evenings though, no matter what type of day I've had, I try to focus on being thankful for what I actually have. I have life. I have people who love me. And I have Christ who brings me peace as I daily give Him my life and everything that goes along with it. That peace... It is the only thing holding me together some days. I wonder how people ever get along without it.

On another note, can I just say that going to church alone has been a really interesting experience? Overall, it's been a truly incredible. A) Because the church I have been attending has left me feeling totally refreshed and empty and fulfilled week by week. And B) I've discovered that there is this weird freedom that comes with being alone. It's scary at first, because there are no familiar faces. Not a single one. (Until today when I saw my calculus teacher...which was awesome in the weirdest, nerdiest way.) But ultimately the faces don't have to be familiar because there is this recognition that that's really not the point of all of this. It blows my mind every week that I can look around at a group of complete and utter strangers and feel at home, and, in the most literal sense of the word, be with family. That's a little crazy.

Anyway. That's what I've been up to. Calculus class should be interesting from now on. ;)

Peace to all,

Paula

What Think Ye?

It's been one of those days where I wish I could just shove everything away; textbook and spiral notebooks and pencils and calculator and an empty coffee mug, all scattered to the ground, off of my desk just to let me focus for a moment. 
Or days. 
Or forever.
I'm probably not going to be able to really explain why I've been in such a weird mood but I'm going to try.
It started when I read about two sentences of the book "Letters to a Diminished Church" by Dorothy Sayers before going to sleep last night. The last thing I remember reading was the question, "What think ye of Christ?" and it was the first thing I woke up with in my head this morning. Then, in sociology class today we talked about Syria and what is going on there. My professor was asking us what we thought we should do about the situation. There were a few people who had opinions but the majority of us didn't really understand what was happening over there. He explained the basics, that Syria had a leader who was using chemical weapons against their own people. Awful.
So that opened the floor for discussion. Now, my sociology teacher is a military sociologist. I consider him to be very knowledgeable and trustworthy in terms of this sort of issue. He is in the army (has come into class wearing his uniform on multiple occasions, which has actually been really neat), he studies cultures around the world so he can help other military groups work together with people from other countries. It's been amazing to hear him talk about his experiences and watch videos of him and other soldiers interacting with the Iraqi people. He's made sociology my favorite class.
So the discussion went on.
Some people were saying to keep out. It's too bad, but it's not our problem. There were a few agreements from around the room. One guy made the point that if they are doing that to their own people, whats going to stop them from hurting us when they've obliterated everyone there? Then it became personal, but it still felt to me like...our only reason for helping would be to keep ourselves safe. It still felt selfish. Another girl said that maybe we should just offer our help to the people and if they want it, we'll step in. Another said, "let the United Nations deal with it."
My professor directed the conversation to a closer level, trying out the idea: Do unto others... 
What if you saw a person being beat up in the street? What if you knew about abuse going on in the house next door? What would you do then?
Would you keep walking? 
Head down, afraid of getting hurt?
Call the police?
Intervene yourself?
One girl broke my heart. She responded by saying she would keep walking. He questioned her further, asking, "You wouldn't even stop to call the police? You would really just, keep going, if you saw someone being beaten to death on the street." Adamantly, she stated she would. That moved me (more than it probably should have).
I had tears in my eyes. I was listening to her and asking myself that question prompted by Miss Sayers.
"What think ye of Christ?"
Well?
What do you think, what do you believe about Christ? Do your beliefs about Him extend to the rest of your life? How? What about in this situation? Do you know what Christ would do? But more than that... Would you be Christ in this situation? Would you do what Christ would do? Who is He to you, that you would do that, or not do it?
Do you fear crossing Him? Is he that real to you? 
My answers are now more than ever, confidently yes. 
Yes. And that answer will make all the difference in the world. 
I have yet to fully discover and understand the difference it makes. There are many ways it will make a difference, I trust that and it will take time and faithfulness to understand better.
But I know the first one:
It is the difference between me and the girl who kept walking.

College Post #1

So I woke up at 6 last Thursday and thought to myself: "This is it. This. This is the day you have been waiting for, for as long as you can remember. And here it is."
Then I said goodbye to Rhyno, (the hardest part of my day), and got in the car with my parents -Chattanooga bound.
There was a time I thought that day would never come and today as I write this post I have been here at UTC, surrounded by strangers for three days. Its not long, but its enough time for me to realize that this is real. This is happening and I am finally independent and free.
And boy, does it feel good.
My roommates were my first friends and they are so awesome. Each of us is different but I like that. It keeps things interesting and I have already been learning so much. I think we are going to get along great.
I've met a few other people at some campus social things and so far I haven't found a person I haven't liked. I'm hoping that on Monday the people in my classes will want to be friends too. ;)
The dorm room is always cold but other than that I have nothing to complain about.
Zoe and I are about to go see a 100ft banana split... Only in college.
Another post soon!
~Paula

Counting Down...

Hey everyone,

I hope you are enjoying the last of this summer and getting excited for the school year.

I apparently don't understand the concept of "consistency," but that's alright. I finally hit 1,000 page views and I'm pretty sure 800 of them were mine, so I'm content to go at my own, leisurely pace. (Thank you, if you were one of the 200 other page views, your audienceship is honoring.)

Would you like to guess what I'm "Counting Down" to? It shouldn't be that hard. Go on. Guess.

If you guessed college - You win 100 points and a virtual high five *high five*

If you guessed...anything else - You get a point for effort and a point for just being you.

Anyway. I have a grand total of 8 days before I move to Chattanooga.

8. Days.

Tomorrow it will be 7. One week away.

The next day, 6.

And before I know it, I'll be unpacking my stuff into a dorm room along with my five roommates.

Before I go into this, you should know that I don't generally like changes like this. I just don't. I never have and they scare me. People are always asking, "Are you excited?", "Are you ready?".

I don't know. I don't know if it's even possible for me to be excited and how will I ever be ready?

It's hard because I feel like I had no control over this college decision in the first place, and it's worse now, knowing that with what little freedom I did have, I made a mistake.

I know it will work out. My faith grants me hope that everything will be ok. So many people have encouraged me and told me that I've made a good decision and it'll work out. It will.

So I count down to the day I start college. And I continue to pray for peace and I treasure every moment I have before I leave. Who knows what will happen? It'll be an adventure and I'll learn everything I can from it.

It's already started. Lets hope I can catch up. :)

~Paula

Watch Out Chattanooga!

freshie orientation haul. Officially a Moc!

Well friends, I have survived freshman orientation. It was long and exhausting but mostly overwhelming with an undertone of exciting. I loved my academic advisor and he got me excited about the classes and everything. Making friends is going to be weird...Its just something I really haven't had to do in a while. We'll see how it goes.

Before I went to Chatt for orientation, I had the best time ever going to the range with Rhyno. :) Pics below!

The range and the beautiful sky

Just doin his thing. :)

scary. I know. 

me and the master himself

Andddd I'm back.

So it's been a while. Let's play catch up reallyy fast.

First off, I've now graduated from high school. The weeks leading up to the ceremony were a blur of end of school stress, slideshow creating, cleaning, shopping, family and everything else. I honestly don't remember much of them except that I was starting to get overwhelmed and then. Bam. It was over. Just like that. We turned tassels and cried through slideshows. (my cap actually fell off...but that's another story) And then it was done. I haven't had much time to be sad about it, though I'm sure that will come. Instead, I've been...well, traveling the world.

I was graciously invited to join my friend Victoria on her senior trip to Paris and Italy and of course I gladly packed up my backpack and boarded the plane to Paris with her and her sister. I would love to go into detail about everything we saw and did and experienced but that would take many words and I don't think I could do it justice. I will hopefully dedicate a post to it soon. For now, just trust me when I say that it was an absolutely incredible experience. I mean. Really.

So I got back from that trip completely exhausted and jet-lagged and overwhelmed, and immediately left for the Outer Banks to be with my extended family for a week. It was so wonderful to be with them and relax on the beach. Kronk and I made frequent trips to Walmart for extra entertainment and there were many walks on the beach and fun times around the dinner table. We decided to do Washington D.C. another time and stopped in Greensboro and Ashville on the way home instead. We saw the adorable little house that I was born in, which was fun. Ashville was great, we ate at this amazing little Japanese restaurant and had the best green tea and ginger ice cream ever.

And now I'm back. I can finally breathe and spend quality time with friends and go to work and play guitar and experiment with tea and coffee making and write and read and...get ready for college. Speaking of which, I have freshman orientation on Thursday and Friday. Good grief, time flies.

How are your summers going? If you wanna hang out shoot me an email! I'd love to see any of you while I'm home!
All the best,
Paula

Thank you: WHCT Tech Crew

The Fiddler crew 2012

This post is dedicated to my amazing, incredible, wonderful, super awesome, talented, generous and inspiring tech crew (from this year, and years past). I cannot say enough about how much they have inspired me and brought me such joy over the years.

The tech crew is kinda an amazing little team in it of itself because it is made up entirely of kids who volunteer their time solely to make the kids in the drama class shine brighter and make their performances run as smoothly as possible. The crew is mostly entirely unseen and unheard during the performances so if the fact that this crew is that selfless doesn't amaze you already, then let me brag on how well the do their job. (I get to do that because I led them for two years and was part of the crew for years before that.) ;)

Pretty much everything but the acting and costumes is directed by the techs. The lights. The mics. The sets. The props. The makeup. The sound. The program handing out. Some of the more unique things we've done include: Making sure lights don't fall over and burn the church down. Locating lost props. Holding up sets that like to fall down. Painting flats. Moving giant beds off and on stage without hitting anyone in the head. Rolling boats down the center aisle. Getting actors wet. Slapping mics on them. You get the idea.

It's alot of work but it's also a TON of fun. Backstage (in my opinion) is the best place to be, because a) the people are the best, b) it's always exciting and c) you don't have to worry about having stage fright! But I digress.

We've been through every up and every down imaginable as a team and that has been an incredible thing to witness. Being stage manager and a tech has been one of my absolute favorite activities I've participated in during highschool. This little family and team has been a huge blessing and it has been a true honor to work with each tech. I'm going to miss you all so much. Thanks for being so amazing and encouraging and just a joy to work with.

Love to ALL!

Thank you: Marty Keith

I wish I had a picture of Marty and I but I don't. :(

This one is dedicated to my guitar teacher, Marty Keith, who has been a huge inspiration, amazing teacher and a fun part of my life for the past two years. 

I started messing around with guitar on my own after I quit piano but it wasn't until I started actually taking lessons that I realized how much I love playing! Two years, fifty songs and a new guitar later I have gotten over my strumming problems, have learned so, so much (despite the fact I can't remember the Bm chord) and, best of all, have discovered a new passion and have been inspired to continue playing just for the fun of it. It's been an awesome few years taking lessons from Marty and it's something I am certainly going to miss. He's an incredible teacher and I have a huge respect for how he can just listen to a song and pick out the chords or picking or whatever is going on from just sitting there with his guitar. Maybe someday I'll figure out how to do that. ;) 

Thanks for being such an inspiration and fun teacher, Marty!

(also, if you're looking for a guitar teacher - he lost a student last Friday (big sad face!) so take a look at his website http://www.martykeith.blogspot.com/ and give him a call!)

my dog can photobomb...can yours?

Thank You: Joey and the Lab

Beautiful day, isn't it?

I have decided to start this series by thanking a family member and very influential person for his generosity and continued encouragement towards me and my pursuit of science. 

Joey is my mom's first cousin, making him my second cousin and really more like an uncle. Around the dinner table, he's easily distinguished because he's usually the loudest of the bunch and is probably the one telling embarrassing stories about my mom. (They're usually pretty hilarious.) 

Oh, and did I mention he's this genius scientist person who has his own lab at Vanderbilt studying heart valve development problems in babies? (*Initiate bragging rights*)

When I was little I visited his lab while in Nashville and I can vividly picture the chick embryo glowing under a microscope that had a camera attached to it. I can see the little heart beating on the tv screen and being in awe at the whole thing. We have pictures of me putting on a lab coat and gloves and looking at human hearts. And then going to his house and looking at fossils in his backyard. One time, I pretty much destroyed part of his rock wall because I took out the rocks that had fossils in them to show him what I found. (I still feel sorta bad about the wall.) He's told me tons of random science facts and given me numerous science related books to read. And then when I turned sixteen I spent a summer volunteering at his lab.

That lab experience, though admittedly long and sometimes frustrating, was one of the best experiences I have had during high school. The people I met and worked with were absolutely incredible and so inspiring. Not to mention - I learned so, so, much. It was just the coolest experience and one I wish I could have repeated. At the end of it, I was proud of what we had done and even more sure that I could be happy doing what Cindy, Dan, Joseph L., Nora and all my other lab friends do all the time. Each one has been an inspiration and I appreciate all they have done for me. Thanks guys! :)

And of course, thank you to Joey who has continually inspired and shown generosity towards me. I have so appreciated all the time you have spent encouraging and helping me form a path for my future. 

Thank you so much!! 

<3

(My apologies for not having a picture of Joey up. I couldn't find one on my computer. :P Here are a few from my lab experience and if I find one of Joey and I, I'll add it.)

Cindy working on the embryos

Mouse embryo

May not mean much to people who've never worked with this before but we ran a bunch of PCRs. It was always a fun time :)

Update and What's to Come

I think that writing for your blog is easier when you do it often. I'm feeling a bit rusty after my month long break.

Anyway.

I'm hoping you all are enjoying this new season. To me, one of the joys of life has always been the changing of seasons. The months of cold, dead of winter suddenly redeemed with the warmth and life of spring. It's so beautiful, even in the raininess of April. In fact, I had a customer at Yarrow mention that she finds that the flowers and new greenery seem even brighter and more beautiful when it's a gloomy day. Driving around today, (on a day when it has been dumping rain on and off and threatening with tornadoes) I'd have to agree with her.

I've had a busy month. Spring break. Babysitting. College decisions. Two new tutoring jobs. School. Prom. Senior pictures. Nothing terribly unusual but it all keeps me running. They are good things and I enjoy them, and that makes them worthwhile. Spring break was lovely for the short time it lasted. I didn't get a full break, but when Ryan was home we worked around it and had a great ten days. My new tutoring jobs have been a joy. I am continually thankful for the discovery of this passion and the opportunity to pursue it. I love that my job is equally as helpful to others as it is to me. It's hard to even think of it as a job really. School has been slow going, but I realized I only have two more tests in chemistry and my very last 40-hour project ever in the next month or so. All that to say - it's about to get busy fast. But prom was amazing. For me, it started out with a sweet surprise from Ryan's mom delivering the most beautiful corsage ever. It was the sweetest, most perfect thing. Then we went to dinner and West Haven where we all danced till we couldn't dance anymore. It was so much fun, but when our dear friend Wes dislocated his knee on the dance floor, we stopped all and prayed for him. It's this kinda stuff that makes me so proud to call these people my friends and influence for the past five years.

 So that's been my life and now I'm looking ahead. The instant I do I tend to get overwhelmed. So much change and so many new adventures all are happening in such a short time and it's quickly, almost too quickly, approaching. The truth of it is...I don't handle change very well. So, while I am looking forward to everything that is about to happen, I am getting reminiscent and nervous as well. It's hard not to be, and I know I'm not the only one experiencing this.

So I've decided. I am graduating exactly one month from today and during that one month I am going to be extremely busy. Nevertheless, I'm want to set aside time to write posts, even if just short ones, dedicated to the people (and memories) that have been the greatest blessings in my life up to this point. I'm working on a name for this series. It might simply be the "Thank You" series. I'd like to think of a more creative name but it's late and I'm not feeling creative. Just blessed and thankful. Ideas can be posted in the comments if you feel inclined to help me out with names.

Well. That's it for now. Be on the lookout for new posts and keep enjoying spring. It's going to be a lovely rest of the year.

:)
Paula


P.S. Did you notice the new template colors? What do you think?

My Butterfly Buddy

I have been inspired by today's gorgeous weather and have put together this little documentation of a particularly nice day from last summer. The story goes something like this:
I was outside on our back porch when I happened to notice a huge butterfly near the tree by our deck. Having nothing better to do,* I grabbed a net and caught him. In the kitchen, I found a mason jar and some netting from a bag of oranges. This butterfly really was a rather lovely creature, with large colorful fans for wings and three pairs of gentle little stick legs. He did a great job posing and I really enjoyed the opportunity to play around with our new camera. Enjoy the photos! (P.S. You can click on a photo and it will enlarge it and you can scroll through them that way. I like them better when they're bigger.) 

*(oh, to have nothing better to do than catch butterflies..! no papers, no calculus...Anyone else ready for summer?!)

In the mason jar

one of my favorite pictures

posing

brilliantly colored

See the chip in his left wing? He left that as a present for me. It's especially beautiful to look at under the microscope.

I have a whole new definition of butterfly kisses.

  I'm a pirate.

Until another day, my little friend! :)

Sloth.

Hey everyone!
I wanted to share this sermon given at St. John's Anglican yesterday by my pastor Kenny Benge. This topic really struck me because first of all, I really struggle with this, and secondly because (as Kenny explains) it is so engrained in our culture that we don't even see it as a sin anymore. It is definitely worth a listen to if you have a few minutes. 

Side story: My sister Julianne accused me of using church to escape my paper last night before church started. Little did we know that the sermon was basically on laziness/procrastination/my life. God always gives us exactly what we need, doesn't he? (Even if it stings a bit...)

Bad sloth! But he's so cute!!

The Deadly Sin of Sloth

"Kenny Benge preached a sermon entitled “The Deadly Sin of Sloth” for The Fourth Sunday of Lent  on March 10, 2013. During Lent, we are exploring an ancient taxonomy of sin to help us examine our lives, develop a lifestyle of repentance, and experience a fresh and joyous grace in Christ. The deadly sin of Sloth is a complex and contradictory phenomenon, an “obscure evil.” It is a sin of omission, a sin of “things left undone.” It is a sin of neglect--it abhors what is thereand fantasizes about what is not.” It despises our actual life while dreaming of ”what could be.” Sloth tempts us to escape from reality. Sloth demands that life must not ask too much of us, and tells us that we have a right to get by with a minimum of effort, tells us that deserve achievement and reward despite our sluggishness."

So what do you think? 

Is this something you struggle with?

Do you see it happening in our culture? 

How?

How do you combat it?

OH hey! Also watch this awesome vid made by my sister Kronk! (akaJulianne) It's from our trip to Chattanooga which was AMAZING. Kronk Aquarium Trippp